


How many times do you need to prove your worth?

by Listless_Songbird



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode 44, Self Injury? sort of but not really, Somebody give this boy a hug, percy is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7000030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Listless_Songbird/pseuds/Listless_Songbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy doesn't know how he does it, but he does. He drags his body through the the sun tree, tumbling after the party. He makes sure to stay quiet, to stay out of sight, the party needs this time to forget about what just happened in favor of finding a good bed and long night’s rest. He can't begrudge them that, when it was his fault that she died. Percy knows that everyone will relax once he’s not around as a constant reminder that they need to be angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How many times do you need to prove your worth?

**Author's Note:**

> My three favorite things, rarepair, angst, and hurt/comfort. This is un beta'd so sorry if there's any mistakes!

Percy doesn't know how he does it, but he does. He drags his body through the the sun tree, tumbling after the party. He makes sure to stay quiet, to stay out of sight, the party needs this time to forget about what just happened in favor of finding a good bed and long night’s rest. He can't begrudge them that, when it was his fault that she died. Percy knows that everyone will relax once he’s not around as a constant reminder that they need to be angry. So he puts on his most neutral face and says he's headed to the castle. He says it convincingly enough that they don't think to worry, but he  interjected it in the middle of a conversation so they would forget about him soon enough. Living in a noble household Percy learned early on how to leave a room without anyone knowing. 

For a while he just walks. Already dead on his feet but he keeps pushing himself. His forearm sears with pain from the pulse he had set off. Some of the energy had caught his arm as he ducked out of the way. At first it hadn't mattered whether he was injured or not, because Vex’ahlia was dead and he might as well have pulled the trigger himself. Now he wore his wound like some sort of atonement. It was easy enough to hide the rotting gouge under his jacket, but now the necrotic energy had spread to the back of his hand. He reached the woods they had camped in, before he knew he was going to survive his revenge, and sat down. He could feel the black energy pulsing over his hand, for a moment or so Percy considered just sitting there till dawn. Someone was bound to come find him even if it was just to tell him off. By that point, he figured the necrotic energy would have his arm past the point of no return.

Wouldn't it be just wonderfully ironic if he lost his hand? Vox Machina was made up of different parts just like one of his machines. Every person had their feature, the piece they contributed. Percy made things, and if he couldn’t? It’d be the last straw. They would kick him out of Vox Machina. Sure they would let him down easy at first. Tell him to stay in Whitestone, his home, while he healed. Then they would leave to go fight some fucking dragons and they would take his home with them. Vox Machina had become his home and he couldn’t lose that.

Now in a panic Percy fumbled around in his bag with one hand until he found a potion of healing. After taking it he hauled himself back onto his feet. Pike could heal him, she probably hadn't seen the others yet so she wouldn't turn him away. The damage on his arm had retreated back to the original wound but it was quickly coming back. He had to get to Pike.

* * *

 

By the time he got to small house he knew Pike was staying in, the black tendrils of decay were creeping up the base of his hand again. Percy knocked on the door and after a moment Pike opened it, Pike was in a simple blue tunic and pants with her ever present Sarenrae pendent on a silver chain. She took one look at him and quickly ushered him inside. 

“Percy what's wrong? Is everyone alright?”

She sat him down on a stool and he nodded, because everyone was fine they were together somewhere in the town. Pike relaxed slightly but was still looking him over with a careful gaze. Percy held out his hand too exhausted to speak, and when Pike took his hand and pushed up his sleeve her eyes flew wide.

“Percy this is bad! How long have you had this?” She put one hand to the holy symbol at her chest and the other gently held Percy’s own. Percy felt light coursing through him like when Pike saved him from the corruption. Percy felt all restless nights where he couldn’t sleep catch up to him all at once. He slumped down even farther in the stool, his forehead almost touching his knees, and shook his his head slightly. At what, he didn't know. At his idiocy for not checking for traps. At the thought that he almost lost one of his closest friends? At the thought that maybe he's lost them all anyway? That none of them will ever trust him again? Maybe he's just glad Pike hasn't heard what happened yet. Percy feels the divine energy stop, but Pike doesn't remove her hand. Her voice is soft as she speaks to him but the question still makes him tense in shock. 

“Percy? Was that from the coffin?” Percy turns his head slightly and stares at her confused, from the corner of his eye. His voice barely above a whisper he says,

“How did you know about that?” And if you knew why, you shouldn’t have wanted to-” Percy is cut off when Pike lightly slaps him on the head with her free hand. 

“Grog came by and told me what happened, I care about you dummy,” then the implications of the second half of what he said seemed to hit her. “Did you think I wouldn’t help? Percival, did you leave a rotting hole in your arm for this long  _ on purpose _ ?” With the last two words her voice takes on a dangerous tone. She takes a step closer into his space and Percy flinches, and when Pike just says 

“Oh Percy,” in the saddest tone he’s ever heard, he hates himself even more. Because this is Pike, one of his closest friends, and he shouldn’t be afraid of what she is going to do. Sure enough Pike just gently removes her hand from his and begins to unbuckle Bad News. Take off his travel bags and pile them by the door, and finally take off Percy’s coat leaving Percy in his blood stained shirt. Then Pike laid a hand on the small of his back, and Percy tried to shy away from the touch, tried to shift away. He didn't deserve this kindness, not after everything he had done, but he was so, so tired. 

“When was the last time you slept?” Her voice was so gentle and Percy just wanted her to stop. To stop being kind to him to let him down easy and let him leave. Percy propped his forehead in his hands. 

“Before we went to get the armor we camped.” There, it wasn't the whole truth but it was good enough to show her she didn’t need to care anymore. Pike pulled up a stool next to him and sat down her hand moving to his shoulder. 

“Percy, when was the last time you actually slept through the night.” She said still gently but with some more force behind it. 

“Before the dragons.” Percy said and it was a whisper, and he let himself hope that Pike hadn’t heard. But Pike still didn’t move her hand from his shoulder, didn't let him get up and go out the door to let himself tinker at something for Vax, or sit vigil over Vex. No, instead Pike took one of his hands, then tilted his head to look at her. 

“Percy listen up. You screwed up today, but we still need you. Not anything you can make, or buy, or talk someone into doing. Vox Machina needs you. So that means no more of this.” She said shaking the arm she had just healed. “Or this,” she said gently tapping the bags under his eyes. “Take care of yourself you dolt. We need our friend.” And with that Percy just broke. He had been holding himself together on the thought that he had to stay strong and alert so he could plan a way into Vox Machina’s good graces, and now here was Pike, saying that no matter what he still had a place. Pike wrapped both arms around his shoulders and held him as tightly as she could. After a while Percy sat up a bit straighter and hugged Pike back. Eventually Pike took a small step back, and held onto his hands saying,

“Now, you really need to sleep Percy,” and Percy gave a small smile and let himself be shown to bed. 


End file.
